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Building A Better Mousetrap - A Tribute To Cat Machine

by SLUGGISHA TAPES

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1.
WILLIAM WESLEY AND THE TINY SOCKETS - Mall Cop 03:02
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MALL COP mall cop rotting in a neon flight bag forty teeth flashing metallic slang winking and preening ,a disease like rapture tracking down a mall rat,with a reward for their capture he's a mall cop he is a mall cop mall cop swearing in a psychic hayloft givin' up these zombies for a imminent take-off gulping and gobbing and ranting to no end he guzzles down his mad dog commands the walls to bend he's a mall cop he's got a small cock spiked himself with meth said we had bad breath we thought it over for a sec picked up a two by four and beat the fuck to death he's a mall cop he's got a small cock and he's headed for the sex shop in the sky
2.
YOBEL WEENEL - Paul Stanley Is Pam 02:49
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instrumental
3.
GRADY HA HA - Anesthetic 02:26
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ANESTHETIC psychological dependence on an anesthetic can't wake up or go to sleep i can't fuck ,i can't eat i watch t.v. ,but that's getting beat i gotta get high ,get anestheezed can't go to work ,definitely not can't go to the store,not without pot i am a dope head ,i'm hoppin' around anesthesia wears the crown shoot me up and knock me down i don't care ,i'll hang around no place to go ,they don't want me i'm just standing in the street anestheez me anestheez me anestheez me please
4.
SAILOR TITS - Burnin' Down The Heads 01:40
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BURNIN' DOWN THE HEADS this ain't no flophouse this ain't no cathouse this ain't no fuckin' around this ain't no shitpile this ain't no treadmill this ain't no comic book world fuck talking heads totally in the '77 shit pile burning heads vinyl torching david byrne burn baby ,byrne stickin' all 5 of our huge man cocks into tina weymouth's tiny holes talk to the head of my cock c'mon tina sing into the microphone i'll play tom toms on your ass the tom tom club suck as well
5.
PART-TIME CRIPPLE - Suicidal Ballerina Blues 05:40
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SUICIDAL BALLERINA BLUES she wanted to dance but she's a klutz spins around and falls on her butt been doin' this for years studied till she was in tears now suicidal ,poppin' pills and drinkin' beers so, so, blue, in a blue tutu the glow so blue ,from the picture tube she lays and watches,swan lake spills her wine on the layer cake as her lifeline begins to break suicidal,poppin' pills ,and drinkin' beers always near death fatal ,gloomy ,gothic chick black and blue her coffin and tomb dress of blue long black hair of silky webs on a deathbed never dancing forever in her head suicidal ,poppin' pills ,and drinkin' beers
6.
ED WOOD - Has Anybody Seen My Pants? 02:02
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HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY PANTS has anybody here seen my pants? well they musta got up and walked away i was in the bedroom fucking the hostess when my pants disappeared just like a ghostess i came out of the room with a dick so hard had to move the whole party out to the backyard well,i had to make enough room for my big fuckin' dick even if i had my pants they probably would'nt fit but i still wish i could find 'em i wish i fucking could and if wishes were like gumdrops well ,i'd eat'em yes i would well , won't somebody please tell me if they have seen my pants hangin' around? i'll be hangin' out with my cock in the living room and the dining room about 9 feet long and 5 feet around it's definitely a sight to astound has anybody seen my fuckin' pants hangin' around? has anybody seen? has anybody seen my fuckin' pants?
7.
BUTTTOOTH - Doinkin' and Floopin' 01:17
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DOINKIN' AND FLOOPIN' livin' on the planet of the human zoo doinkin' and floopin' is all we do we are pleased with food to eat we have sex like luncheon meat doinkin' and floopin' flippin' right out doinkin' and floopin' wiggin' on down jumpin' a pogo beat ,a rythmic chanting doinkin' and floopin' ,raving and ranting so,so,high now,all flooped out excessive doinkin' excessive floopin' just sleep it off then beat it off doinkin' and floopin' fuckin' and partying
8.
BLOODPONIES - When The Apeman Smiles 02:52
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WHEN THE APEMAN SMILES cringe in terror run for miles don't eat breakfast when the apeman smiles sex is not death if you know your friends i love disciples of the burning flame it doesn't bother me i stand all by myself she's not really cute she doesn't care nothing but lines will break the stranglefoot if felt cones were legal i'd beckon my own fallen valor you got gas and matches so set yourself on fire you don't wanna be alive when the apeman smiles i'm open minded enough i thought i liked it at first it was highly political totally dwarfs ,it's funny what the hell is this i feel like foil tube substance where to no what's the reference reasoning it's an opulent poop hell cause i don't use if you've got bananas rake them in a pile you better hope it distracts him when the apeman smiles.
9.
ICE CREAM SANDWICH SHIT HEAD - The Sweet Smell Of Justice 01:15
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THE SWEET SMELL OF JUSTICE smell their flesh burning big bonfire tonite we roast the pigs over the open flames throwing a molotov into precinct five we make sure there's no pigs left alive we're on a slaughter so hogs get out of sight we're bloodthirsty got a lawmaker appetite fuck all the pigs up burn them at the stake then throw the ashes into the lake smell the justice in the air smell the bacon burn the sweet smell of justice now it is our turn anarchy! anarchy! time to kill authority.
10.
KAAGOOTAABAA - Paul Kline 01:30
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PAUL KLINE paul kline was a friend of mine he killed old lady grey,she was 75 he broke in and strangled away her life he cut her in pieces with his boyscout knife he walked like a robot ,down the side of the road so stiff and angry,cursing every passing auto pulverizing street signs ,with his fist sit on a curb and mumble ,and look real pissed they gave him the baker act , 'cause he's insane he lived a life of internal pain he walks pondella ,late at night if you see him coming ,you better stay out of sight.
11.
Z.A.T.H. - Crazy Mary 02:13
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CRAZY MARY crazy mary,cat collector sat in the bath for 2 months talked to the walls and talked to her cats lint is why she lives lint sculptures worm innards radio instigator on the television who forgives god sherlock's in heaven when she went down to the market saw what they had done to her favorite section couldn't find cat collectors zine on the rack pushing a cart lint intact going to start trying to act more like sherlock's in heaven solo spangled things in the dark talkin' to cats crazy mary laughs.
12.
MC KING CORNDOG AND DJ BLUE JELLO - King Corndog's In The Haus 04:16
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KING CORNDOG IN THE HAUS king corndog on a hype tick got mustard on my corndog dick i'm shittin' , i'm shittin' i'm corndog shittin' my deep fryers full i ain't kiddin' i ain't happy i ain't eatin' no corndogs without mustard ,g corndog shittin' the house smells crappy (he ain't eatin' no corndogs without mustard,g) (ch) king corndog's in the motherfuckin' haus come suck my corndog you like ball park and oscar meyer suck my corndog and i'll take you higher you're bendin' over for a corndog stick i got mustard for you in my corndog dick king corndog crazy crazy king corndog goin' crazy on a deep-fry spree drinkin' mustard juice like a golden slurpee take out my corndog dick i squirt mustard for pee king corndog in the house that fried us shoulda got some mustard shoulda tried us the life of a corndog is no fun gettin' deep fried on a corncake bun her deep fry basket is as clean as can be maybe she'll move in with me i'd like to stick my corndog up her ass she's got tender vittles i wanna eat her shittles (repeat ch)
13.
WE ARE THEY - Moon Over Mannequins 01:34
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MOON OVER MANNEQUINS all the mannequins come alive they move around in the moonlight when the stores are closed and no one's near if you listen close you can hear the mutter of the mannequins marching to the moon and the song that they hum is a stupid tune something like: la la la we are they up the escalator we shop,shop so happily we are mannequins in the twilight moon over mannequins their faces don't have expressions they act out their fantasies and live out their obsessions kinda like you but with more to it.
14.
BONER PILLS - Plastic Jesus 02:24
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PLASTIC JESUS what'd he ever do for me what'd he ever do for you gave his life on a cross a stupid jew ,a jew ,a jew ,a jew says he tried to save us like we can really be saved jesus looks like charlie manson rising from the grave ,from the grave ,from the grave people sit here all day long watching preachers on t.v. they have to buy a mansion they need your money,money,money,money lookit jim bakker the fuckin' right wing christian idiot i hope they never let him outta jail i'l kill him,kill him,kill him,kill him,kill him don't want no plastic jesus on my dashboard don't want no plastic jesus on my lawn
15.
THE BLOOD RED OSCARS - Leif Garrett's Prostate Gland 01:42
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LEIF GARRETT'S PROSTATE GLAND leif garrett wants you to touch his prostate gland it makes his cum shoot across the room on the carpet the cum will land and drip on a picture of sabrina on a broom leif garrett's prostate gland sticks out of his ass his prostate waves ,"hi" ,and his cum hits the roof it drips on his face,his sister licks it up tiger beat takes pictures for the issue next month win a date with leif's prostate gland c'mon in his bedroom give him a hand job touch his prostate it makes him cum in gallons he'll sign your tits and perform cunnilingus
16.
Z.A.T.H. - Queen Turd Of Shit Hill 02:29
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QUEEN TURD OF SHIT HILL she's big and she's ugly smells like a cat wears eau de piss perfume gots cheese in the folds of her fat she don't like no insects don't watch old movies can't stand to see small animals killed when she drives around in her shitty car the kids all yell she's queen turd of shit hil (ch) aaaaaaaa queen turd of shit hill aaaaaaaa queen turd of shit hill she wishes that her dad never met her father when she goes to the shops she wonders why the sales people bother her with a checkbook in hand pearls on her neck she's going out now she's gonna kill she's queen turd of shit hill (repeat ch)
17.
UNCUT - Luau Torch 02:48
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luau torch,luau torch (ad infinitum)
18.
LINDA BLARE PROJECT - Video Christ 04:28
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VIDEO CHRIST temple of worship house of the video christ rent some sermons at the house of the video christ bow and kneel to the video christ all jews are going straight to hell they live in a world of sex,drugs and perversity under the eyes of the video christ the lord is mad get a bigger screen no black and white you'll go to hell video christ recorded his death on a camcorder vcr for all our sins for us to watch.
19.
ASF - Pure Concentrated Evil (Boser Blick Evil Eye Remix) 01:29
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PURE CONCENTRATED EVIL boser blick boser blick bewitching enchanting counter charm a phallus boser blick boser blick out of the heart of men proceed evil thoughts if thine eye be evil the whole body shall be full of darkness a mere look ,a glance cursed a fig tree ,so it withered boser blick boser blick the evil eye
20.
HORRORDACTYL - My Attempt To Kill A Fly 02:45
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MY ATTEMPT TO KILL A FLY the other car colliding went behind without giving warning of it's intentions in my attempt to kill a fly i drove into a telephone pole the guy was all over the road i had to swerve a number of times before i hit him i saw the slow moving fat faced old gentleman as he bounced off my car he had no idea which direction to go so i ran him over i was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way in my attempt to kill a fly i drove into a telephone pole i pulled away from the side of the road and glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment in my attempt to kill a fly i drove into a telephone pole (invisible car comes out of nowhere strikes my vehicle and vanishes)
21.
BLAST RIG - My Mom's A Facist 02:07
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MY MOM'S A FACIST my mom's a facist ,she loves order she's obsessed with cleanliness she only drinks spring water she loves a man named daddy he drives one long black caddy she's my slap back mammy from the fifth dimension she wants to varnish the toaster thinks the mailbox is expendable she's a soap opera floater her ovaries aren't quite bendable my mom's a facist she goosesteps to the market she rides in a chauffered limo she don't know when to park it in the driveway of a building at the top of a mountain it was good for mankind and humans too my mom's a facist my mom's a facist my mom's a facist she loves j. mascis
22.
BEAVERBAG - SSAACOP 00:55
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SSAACOP shit sandwich and a cup of piss scab sandwich and a cup of pus
23.
HELL GARBAGE - Trying To Shit An Old Turd 03:32
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TRYING TO SHIT AN OLD TURD tring to shit an old turd ,you can't it's like trying to kill a dead bird ,you can't you can't live ,if your'e already dead if the bombs have dropped and the fallout ,fell out on your head you can't shit an old turd you can't kill a dead bird you can't ride a bike with no wheels you can't eat last year's meals i guess you could load your gun and try to shoot a dead man i guess you could shove that old turd up your ass and shit it again but it wouldn't be the same no,it wouldn't be the same as the first time
24.
THE UH... - The Other White Meat (a remix of the Pathetic Jonesing album) 01:07
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instrumental noise
25.
HORRORDACTYL - Hell On Toast 05:20
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HELL ON TOAST wind whipped around and bath made off with our shoes the canvas groaned and pulled and swayed and dumped it's putrid ,steaming load on you upset by judas gardener decked out in harley chains we've got to stop this shit right now we're running out of paint running out of paint i'm trapped in the closet with a needle and a ghost well ,he talked like norman mailer but he looked like donny most have some more hors douvres i said have some more hors douvres talked like norman mailer looked like donny most he looked like donny most have some more hors douvres we're fucking perfect hosts honey while you're at it have some fucking hell on toast now your toast let's get real close let me feed it to you and stuff it down your throat hell on toast have some more hors douvres have some more hors douvres we're perfect fucking hosts have some more hors douvres hell on toast.
26.
SKINDUST - I Hate Vacuums 08:47
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I HATE VACUUMS i hate vacuums! (repeat endlessly)
27.
NOISEKILLR - Litterbox 10:32
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instrumental noise
28.
USELESS PILE - Boiling In The Bathtub 02:02
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BOILING IN THE BATHTUB snakmasta mom wiped her chin of vom she ate the hidden hotdog and it fucked her up wantsa take a bath and wash her dirty ass but we got something planned to do her,sure enough plug the fucker in who knows where that things been but i know where it's going in the tub with moms (ch) boiling in the bathtub (3x) with her snakmasta mom's cookin' now gonna serve her up as chow with a side of strawberries and a cantaloupe wedge we made little sandwiches in triangular form the kids are gonna love it cause it tastes like home (repeat ch)

about

Cat Machine started one day in late 1990 ,when Joel came by my house with a friend. I happened to be working on a few songs in my studio ,and had Joel do vocals on one ,and guitar on another. He said I should come by his house the next day ,and meet his brother Tony ,also into music ,and in the band Myopia (which Joel was once a member of) So we got together ,got tanked up on booze and weed ,(and sometimes other substances) ,and began to record our first tape together. One of the first pieces we did ,consisted of putting some cats in a pillowcase ,with a microphone. The cats were part of Crazy Mary's brood (we wrote about her in a few songs ,the best one is her autobiographical theme song ,"Crazy Mary") ,she was an elderly woman renting a room from Gramps (Tony and Joel's grandfather ,who made many appearances on our recordings ,usually to interrupt us ,with weird conversations and disciplinary actions!) ,at what later became affectionately known as ,"The Cat Machine House".
That number we did with the cats in a bag ,inspired our band name ,and our sound to follow on over 50 cassettes over the course of a year.We were inspired by everything from punk to alt-rock ,to metal ,to surf,to Sinatra ,to oldies ,and more. We soon found out that everything can be used as a musical instrument.With us as the core trio ,we always had guests and friends ,stopping by when we were recording. Some of these folks ended up singing and/or playing on our songs. Vance Burdge ,Billy Drake ,and Shane Carwile were frequent collaborators on our tapes.Others included Katie Ball ,Dave Roth ,Chris ,Dave 'antelope leaps' (named for his habit of jumping around the room like an antelope during our recording sessions!), Tall Ray ,Nathan Adams ,Philbert Ze Chocolat Clown ,and more.
After recording about 20 ninety minute tapes ,or so ,we met Chris Parfitt ,who was christened "Chipmonk" for his habit of holding his hands close to his mouth ,especially while drinking and smoking ,looking much like a chipmunk. Chris brought new life to "The Machine" ,with his guitar lines and off-the-wall lyrics,and officially became the fourth member of the group). We would record ,on an average ,2 ninety minute cassettes a week (which eventually averaged out to about one tape per week ,when all was said and done)We recorded whatever came to our minds ,sometimes it was ,1-2-3-4 GO!! style ,other times we would have a riff to elaborate upon.I always brought big notebooks full of lyrics I would write while watching late-nite t.v..Everyone contributed ,musically and lyrically ,though ,and it was definitely a group effort on all counts.There were times when we could not all be together on recordings due to work ,imprisonment,holidays,etc. and there are tapes without Tony ,there's one with just me and Chipmonk ,but it remained Cat Machine ,nevertheless.
Cat Machine spawned hundreds of local bands ,many of them containing our core membership ,with a different band name ,switching up with people from other bands for other projects,and solo albums.We were extremely influential in our small town of Ft. Myers,Fla ,even though we only played out live 2 times! (neither of which was recorded! We were sooo dumb!) The first gig was set up by Joel & Tony's dad ,Pastor Vince ,who got us a show at the Lee County Youth Detention Center! We did about a half hour set ,in front of disgruntled ,mostly ethnic youth,(a few white boys said they liked us afterwards ,best thing they saw or heard since being incarcerated!) playing set staples like ,Crazy Mary ,Queen Turd Of Shit Hill ,Cat Machine Is In The Haus,and others.We kicked up quite a ruckus ,and used many profanities ,and were never invited back again.Pastor Vince was told that we were chaotic ,and not welcome back.
Our second gig ,was opening for Myopia ,at the grand opening of a gay bar ,Visions ,on Fowler Ave. ,near Anderson Ave,later to become known as Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd,yes we were in the ghetto!Vance was the main dj at the club ,and helped in getting our foot in the door.We did a great set ,doing all the hits ,and switching instrumental and vocal duties ,after each song (something we did on every recording ,everybody took turns on instruments and vocals).The club owners banned us from returning because we were so loud we rattled the windows ,and they were afraid we would break them with waves of feedback! Myopia had a short residence there ,and their gigs lasted till the club shut down a few months later.
Towards the end of the band ,we began recording four-track studio tapes ,with better sound and hindsight.All of our earlier tapes were recorded straight to 'suburb blaster' (our version of 'ghetto blaster') with the vocalist closest to the built-in mic.We were young ,eclectic ,alt-punk stars in our town ,and looked up to by various assorted youths ,many of whom decided to later start their own bands.Many bands that came out of our unholy alliance ,went on to record their own tapes ,and play live in town ,after it was cracked open by,One Fell Swoop ,a band which consisted of myself ,Joel ,and Chris ,as a trio ,carrying on the Cat Machine tradition of recording tapes every week ,in the same fashion.We had to start a new band ,because Tony was involved heavily with Myopia at the time (Shane ,drums ,Billy guitar ,Tony bass,vocals) ,and it would not have been right to carry on without him.
The Draft House became the residence of One Fell Swoop for several months ,and many ,many other bands followed in our footsteps.I later was the catalyst for poetry slams ,as I would sometimes get up on the mic ,between bands ,and read some words.Cindy Bruce facilitated me ,by opening the Main Street Coffee House ,and hosting poetry once a week.While most of the kids would read self-serving love poem crap ,I was utterly confrontational ,and said many things that made people react ,sometimes giddily ,sometimes violently ,but never with any malice.But the Cat Machine was always on everybody's collective lips and minds ,for years afterwards. We've toyed with the idea of a reunion ,but we are scattered to the 4 corners of the world. Tony in Chicago ,Chris in NY ,Joel in Ft. Myers ,and me up by Tampa ,Fl. Chris went on to fame as one of the founding members of alt-rock stalwarts ,Apples In Stereo ,but was ejected after a while ,when his amp blew up onstage ,and he did'nt have cash for a new set-up.Joel disappeared into seclusion ,Tony played in several different bands (currently in The Golden Thrown) ,and I have continued to do solo projects ,and work with others via e-mail tracks.
Sluggisha Tapes started soon after the band Cat Machine did (the name "Sluggisha" is derived from a Cat Machine lyric ,in the song "Soybean Buddy") ,tho' many bands existed before the label.We just had all these tapes ,and nobody was hearing them but us ,so I said let's get a forum where we can sell our tapes thru mailorder catalog(long before the advent of the internet) and the roster just kept on growing!And people around the world ordered our tapes ,reviewed them in zines ,and were influenced by what they heard! I also met many people this way , but the most important connection to me ,was Food Fortunata of the band Sockeye ,and his mailorder tape label Wheelchair Full Of Old Men .We traded catalogs and tapes ,until we both got married (not to each other!) and had kids ,lost touch for a while ,then re-connected on the internet ,and have been doing the band ZATH together for a couple of years ,as well as other projects.
Sluggisha Tapes became ,Sluggisha's Vault at sluggisha.blogspot.com ,and I posted everything I ever had listed in the catalog ,as well as tons of newer bands ,continuing to the present day.I had to start a second blog ,Media Christ at mediachrist.blogspot.com ,to cover all my pictures,flyers,zines,art,comics ,video and more ,since I don't think it belonged on the music blog.

Cat Machine is an institution ,we are still light years ahead of our time ,and in the future we will lose our cult-status ,and become popular amongst the youth of the 21st century. Maybe in school in the future ,they'll teach Cat Machine 101 ,and everyone will smile and say what a great band we were ,when our name is metioned.It feels like it was just yesterday we were in Joel's room ,near the pool ,in Gramps house ,recording songs like the world was ending. And now ,maybe it is.
Ed J.,original founding member of Cat Machine,and Sluggisha Tapes

credits

released June 6, 2012

The Cat Machine music covered on this compilation,was originally done by these fools:
Ed - vocals,guitar,bass,drums,keys,oboe,plastic mannequin leg,harmonica,cheese steak,beer,bong,pipe,paper,bag,rolling tray,acid,lsd
Joel - vocals,guitar,bass,drums,keys,grater,accu-jack,rhino skull,hot dog blanket,used blanket,mold,recipe cards,cockroach legs,fly in an ashtray
Tony - vocals,guitar,bass,drums,keys,dildo,vibrator,strap-on,chaps,butt bongos,testicle tester,elmo doll,madonna statue,jesus upside down,dick
Chris - vocals ,guitars,bass,drums,keys,harmonium,pizza pan,goggles,chipmonk tits,rambler wheel cover,conestoga wagon wheel

tracks/lyrics compiled by G O D
sequencing and art by Lava Church Records
originally released in a limited quantity of 50 ,recorded on recycled cassette tapes ,and distributed by Lava Church Records ,in 2012
thanks Patrick
thanks to all the bands and artists who helped make this compilation happen! thanks for being a dicoverer of rare ,underground,avant garde,cult,music.

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SLUGGISHA TAPES Florida

SLUGGISHA TAPES started as a mailorder cassette label in 1990.Started SLUGGISHA.BLOGSPOT.COM in 2008 ,to release music both new and old on the web.MEDIACHRIST.BLOGSPOT.COM was then launched to feature not only music,but all forms of media.SLUGGISHA can also be found on youtube,facebook,soundcloud,archive.org,free webstore.org ,and other places on the internet.New releases are always happening! ... more

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